Megan Fox Stars In A New Fashion Film By Philipp Plein

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In an Instagram video teasing the film’s premiere, which took place at a secret location in Milan, Plein promised to “destroy” the city. He certainly did, but not in the way he thinks.

Where to begin? Directed by Steven Klein (???), the film stars celeb of the moment Megan Fox, who delivers an opening monologue that puts Lana Del Rey to shame.

An intro that bastardizes the opening of Alain Renais’s Last Year at Marienbadthe New Wave classic that Coco Chanel famously costumed — tracks through Plein’s gaudy mansion as Fox’s disembodied voice echoes: “She was without a name. To have a name is to have an identity. But the woman lacked a permanent sense of self.”

As Fox’s longwinded spiel on the “dark unconsciousness of the apparatus known as human” comes to a close, viewers are accosted by a shot of Plein himself, clad in a cowboy hat and clutching a rosary, yelling something about the human body being an “orgasm machine.”

The movie proceeds into series of four vignettes, or “games,” that get progressively confusing. I’m not really sure what happens plot-wise, but there are lots of sequined suit jackets.